Jingle Bell Blessings by Bonnie K. Winn

Author:Bonnie K. Winn [Winn, Bonnie K.]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Steeple Hill
Published: 2010-11-04T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter Nine

Evan retreated to the den, warming his hands on a mug of coffee. Guilt filled, overflowed, brewing like the fresh coffee he’d just made. No worry that it would keep him up. There wouldn’t be any sleep for him this night. He couldn’t believe he had kissed Chloe again. Having almost convinced himself that it was an unintentional slip and vowing never to repeat it, all reason had fled when she lifted her face.

Sinking into a deep leather chair, Evan placed his coffee on the side table, staring at the portraits lining the wall. His great-grandparents, grandparents, then finally his father and mother. Each had taken the vow till death do us part. And each had kept it.

He and Robin had planned to sit for their portrait on their tenth anniversary. No longer newlyweds, but still early in what they assumed would be a decades-long marriage.

And he couldn’t even keep the vow a single decade. What was he thinking? Kissing another woman? The shame was overwhelming. He had ignored the Lord’s voice since that fateful day when Robin and Sean had been killed. Now all Evan could hear was His censure. Dropping his face into his hands, Evan hated the other truth prodding him. That he had enjoyed the kiss. That he might even be developing feelings for Chloe. He groaned aloud.

“That’s a mighty heavy load, son.” Gordon’s voice reached out from across the room.

Evan wasn’t terribly surprised. His father had always seemed to know when he was needed. Slowly, he lifted his face. In the quiet, he could hear the tamping of fresh tobacco in his father’s pipe. Not that Dad ever smoked it. He had given that up thirty years earlier. But he still enjoyed the ritual, the smell of his favorite blend.

“When you were a kid, you’d fall asleep in here, reading books about rocks, dinosaurs, and the Hardy Boys. Remember?”

Evan nodded.

Even though only one dim lamp lit the room, Gordon recognized the silent gesture. “Life’s not quite like one of those Hardy Boys’ mysteries. Not so easily solved, sure not wrapped up all tidy.”

Evan sighed. “I know, Dad.”

Gordon stood, relocating to the chair adjacent to Evan’s. “I never wanted you to suffer so. When you were two days old, I promised you I’d never let anything hurt you. At the time, I thought I had the power to keep that promise. Took a lot of maturing to realize I couldn’t. Only the Lord can hold you in His hands. And He does.”

Assaulted by guilt and indecision, Evan doubted it. But hurting his father wouldn’t help. “That’s what you raised me to believe.”

“Belief’s a funny thing. It’s easy when things are good.”

Evan’s defenses stirred. “You think I’m a rainy-day believer?”

“No man should outlive his child. And nothing hurts more than your child’s pain. You’re my child, Evan. Your pain is mine. I’ve felt it every day since you lost Robin and Sean. It’s not belief you need to seek. It’s acceptance, the reinforcement that you will see them again.

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